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Tuesday, October 16th, 2007
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1:09 am - new livejournal
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youreasnob was too petty
and pearlsandjoy screams 10th grade plastic pearls every time i sign on...
so, my new livejournal username is dympleclash it's a bit more personal
ive already added all of you, so just add me back, i suppose.
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, October 7th, 2007
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5:47 pm
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friday-sleepover with rob and alicia. really fun and good with good friends. i felt really happy and welcome the whole time.
saturday- "loafed" around for the majority of the day, seafood fest for about 30 minutes, more sittin around. i got bored, spoke up, got bitched at for being bored, so i left. really pissed me off that because i said "im bored" i got ganged up on. i wasnt going to sink away and be all "oooh, im sorry for being bored" it was bullshit. i was going to suggest something to do in the meantime before night came, but apparently, everyone was so comfortable with doing nothing, that i upset the balance of nothing. so i left.
that night- went to crestview to hang out with chloe and victoria. we went to a coffee shop with matt jackson and eddie. i sang open mic and was really nervous, but apparently i did really well (according to the people that were there that i didnt know) i was so thrilled.
today- shopping! jonathan and jennifer went to disney world. im jealous. but i got a new purse! chloe, victoria, and i watched pump up the volume and vegged out on the couch. at least i was entertained. not that it's a constant requirement, but i dont want to be sitting around staring at the floor..
anyway...im really tired of niceville. not the people, but my restrictions. i want to be in orlando with more people like myself, doing things that i really want to do.
im confused on who God is. i see him two different ways, and for each way I see Him, there's a different lifestyle and attitude for myself. I reallly have no idea what's going on.
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| Saturday, October 6th, 2007
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5:51 pm
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| Wednesday, October 3rd, 2007
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8:08 pm
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i feel disgusting, and full of grief. i feel evil, and absolutely heart broken. I feel slapped in the face, but thankful. I'm sorry to everyone. I lied.
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| Sunday, September 30th, 2007
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12:50 am - mia and i made a music video.
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| Tuesday, September 25th, 2007
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11:39 pm
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WOW.
im so overjoyed right now.
i am not alone. God is so amazing. The way He works is just so ridiculous. I almost feel awkward right now. Like you would if you were talking about someone that was right beside you.
He just did the most incredible thing for me. I cannot believe how much my life is lining up for His plan. My desires and talents and abilities and beliefs are lining up for a life, career, mindset, body, location, relationships, and even timing for these things.
Kiersten, I love you so much.
I am young and strong for a reason, because I have to be strong to get these things done when I'm young.
Even my horoscopes are confirming it. I must be consistent in my work. I really need to. I'm so excited. I'm thrilled.
God helped Kiersten to clear something up for me tonight that I was struggling with explaining before, and I believe that this may be what anon. was talking about with my "inconsistencies."--I AM a Christian. However, I am a Christian in the sense of Jesus' teachings, not the twisted convenient teachings of today's churches. That is was I was trying to say.
I am so excited for a God-filled life.
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| Sunday, September 23rd, 2007
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11:26 pm
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Definitely one of my favorite days of my life so far:
After church, Mia and I went on a bike ride around town. We went from my house (lancaster) to kelley's, lion park, vat st. off cedar by the school, turkey creek, and back to my house. We were riding and enjoying the pit stops from about 12:30 to 5:10. I don't know why I know the exact times.
It was just so beautiful. We had a picnic at Lions Park with fruits and water, we jumped in the bayou to cool off, and we climbed the Magnolia for a while. Turkey creek sent shivers though my whole body, and it felt amazing.
We came to a crazy intersection where I started to take off because there was no button to push, but some guy appeared out of nowhere on a bike (I didn't see him at all behind us) and told me not to go. A few seconds later, cars started turning onto the road. After that, he took off really fast. Mia and I both agreed pretty quickly that he was some kind of guardian angel. It was fate that that man was there, or I could have been seriously hurt.
When we were riding home, there was a minute of absolute peace. We didn't have to pedal, the wind was blowing through us, the sun was setting on the water, birds were dancing in the air, and we felt so young, strong, and one with nature. It was awesome.
We also saw this really detailed face in the clouds. It was insane. You know that visual of the guy blowing wind with huge cheeks? Well, we saw that. In the clouds. I almost went crazy, I couldn't believe it. It was so freaking cool.
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(7 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, September 22nd, 2007
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3:10 pm
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Today was insane.
I don't want to fight with my mom, but it's just that my parents' understanding of me and my "arguments" are just so wrong that I get overly frustrated and confused in what I'm trying to say.
I had to leave. I was grounded this weekend, really no big deal, but I had made plans a week or so before, so I was naturally a bit upset. I mean a bit, like a little bit. I tried reasoning with my mother that I really shouldn't be grounded for getting upset with her when she called bullshit on something I told her that was TRUE (about not signing in and actually being at school) but she kept making the conversation about how retarded I am, so I left.
I walked down the end of my road, Mia picked me up, and we went back to Ramey's. Ramey frustrated me at the time because he told Mia that she shouldn't have picked me up, and kept telling her that. I needed her at the time, but what he doesn't know is that my parents tell me to walk away whenever I get frustrated with them. So, Ramey made me mad, but it was just in the moment, I understand now what he was saying. But I left anyway when they were talking about it because I felt like he didn't want me around. So, I walked around Rocky Bayou for about 2 hours. I get so dehydrated that I had to drink from a water hose from some house, which I thought was sweet. I felt like some bum survivor. I don't know.
However, I was severely wrong on my directions, so I ended up way way farther away from my house than I'd hoped. So, I was lost, and upset, so I called Rachel JUST as she and her mom were driving by. It was weird. So they took me to lunch and it was really sweet and life-saving.
Now, I'm home. And bored, but tired and comfortable. I don't think I'll ever have a real understanding with my mom because to me, an understanding with a person is mutually listening to and thinking about what a person is and stands for, but she won't hear of it. So, I'm just going to have to suck it up and deal with the fact that my mother "knows what's best for me" even though she doesn't really know me, however cliche it is.
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| Friday, September 21st, 2007
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12:00 am
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I'm not getting along with my mom. It breaks my heart that I could feel such anger towards her. She's just so inconsiderate though. Today, I was at school for 6 hours, and I had a two hour break before I was going to have to be running around on my feet for 7 hours at work, so I wanted to sleep. My mom made me run errands for her because she didn't feel like putting on pants. She makes me want to cry how selfish she can be towards her family. She's the MOTHER. I know that it doesn't give me an excuse to be selfish just because im a teenager, but at least I acknowledge it.
I'm really stressed out right now. I don't know what's going on with my body, and because I feel like God prepared me for the worst before I even knew something was wrong, I've got a gut feeling that it's going to be serious. There are so many things that He's pointing out that are pretty substantial, and not to mention a woman's intuition about her body. I'm worried.
Tomorrow is world peace day!
I'm a very happy person, but every once in a while, I just have to cry to let out the pent up stress and anger that I tend to burry. I don't think that's very healthy.
I really like work even though my back feels like it's broken every time I get off. I can't handle that. Something to do with the 6 or so car wrecks I've been in or something. When I'm a professor, I'm going to be like Mr. Suderman and just roll around in my chair at the front of the class.
I like the change that's occurred in my mind, but I need change in my routine. I'm bored with meeting deadlines and being on time alllll the time. I just want to take a trip or something. I want to get away from Niceville.
Anyone want to go to Sarasota in November?
I think I'm grounded for like 2 weeks or something. I'm not sure. I don't even care right now either. My mom's just a bitch. It was a scene out of the breakfast club. I would just say, what?, and my mom would add a week. She's so dumb.
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| Thursday, September 20th, 2007
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4:06 pm
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Friday is international peace day, and the 22nd is world car free day.
not that a lot of you might care, because i normally wouldnt, but i think im going to take part.
turns out, im not keeping my yaris as long as id hoped. my family can't afford it right now, so im getting a 98 explorer until i leave, and then im getting some kind of motorized bike. fuel efficient, and it gets you places.
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| Tuesday, September 4th, 2007
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4:26 pm
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cramps, exhaustion, and i need a job.
my voice is no more. i have it, but its raspy now.
i like my bangs. i wish my mom would stop telling me they suck haha. bitch.
i want my tattooooooooooo
and i want new clothes as well.
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| Wednesday, August 29th, 2007
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11:04 pm
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| Tuesday, August 28th, 2007
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6:25 pm
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okay for one: you DONT love him. you dont love anybody. youre a selfish little self-loathing bitch. i hate you. you disgust me. youre fucking wasting your life feeling sorry for yourself. you feed off of everyone around you. GROW THE FUCK UP.
and for two: i dont want alicia to leave. she's amazing and i love herrr!
for three: today was good. i proclaimed a new sophomore to be my boyfriend. he agreed. im taken, boys. haha. omg im so dumb.
for the fourth: my car will only cost $540 to fix.
for the numba 5: i realized that my schedule for this semester is pretty empty. haha. neat!
and for el diablo: i miss jonathan.
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| Sunday, August 26th, 2007
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10:26 pm
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so, apparently, my pap smear showed something that may be cancerous, so pray for me? i have to have a follow up check up now. im nervous. and last night i flat out refused to take a drug test from my parents haha. they were confused but im not in trouble.
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| Tuesday, August 21st, 2007
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1:39 am
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I started,and got about half way through 9 stories tonight. So, I guess that would mean I read about 4 and a half of them. I swear, every time I read Salinger I crave nothing but a chicken sandwich, a glass of milk, and a ciggarette. Too bad I quit smoking.
Jonathan left today. I can't write about it. I'm confused.
I decided that this summer has turned out to be a very nice story. I started writing about it tonight. I think I will write a book about it. I hope that one day I can have a career from writing about what I want to. It's a shame that not too many people buy poetry books to read. I don't have very much patience to write a book, but I'm going to try.
I might become a hairdresser. I don't know.
I hate living at home. I'm moving in with Mia in a few months- I've decided.
I like this age. As much as I hate it, I like it at the same time. I still have a little while to figure some things out, but I'm on the brink of being on my own at the same time. I don't think that a matter of a few months without pot is a big deal. Actually, I really dont think that a lifetime without pot is a big deal, but being drug tested by your parents should be. And it's not, but I still am upset by it.
It seems that lately, nothing is a big deal, but everything still matters to me.
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| Sunday, August 19th, 2007
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9:34 pm
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i dont know what to do. ive never cared about a boy so much. its not fair that he should leave right now. i feel completely selfish and confused and overwhelmed and like i hate myself. i just hate this. im going to miss him so much.
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1:09 pm
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I just need a buddy. Someone to always be there to hang out. Jonathan's leaving tomorrow, so I feel like I'm losing that person. He's become one of the best friends I've ever had.
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| Saturday, August 4th, 2007
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1:45 pm
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i wanna remember last night forever.
I don't think I've ever felt that close to a boy in my entire life. Skinny dipping in the bayou with all of my friends and the little microibs that glowed was beautiful/hilarious. We danced until we were drenched with sweat and it didn't really matter because we really didn't care. We walked two hours just to get a slurpee at the corner gas station. We topped it off with a sunrise in a tree.
It was definitely my most favorite experience like that so far. One of the best nights of my life so far too. :)
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, July 31st, 2007
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4:07 pm
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| Wednesday, July 25th, 2007
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10:58 pm
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im having fun...
watching tv
and enjoying the intake
and exhale
and swinging with squeaks
and laughing at appropriate times
and everything.
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